Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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