I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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