You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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