Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
