I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
