guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My balls are so social today.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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