I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
