Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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