If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
