it wasn't lemon gatorade
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
