boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
