He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
