Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
