I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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