It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
