Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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