i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
