My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
