like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
