He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
