I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
