i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
