i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
