my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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