Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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