hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
love makes seman taste better
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
