is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
