one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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