The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
