don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
