I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
