so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
