My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
