I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
