I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
