i think my mom watched the whole time
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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