Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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