I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
