Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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