jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
