hotel room ftw
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
