so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
