You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
