dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize