I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
