is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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