dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How external is "for external use only"?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
