oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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