is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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