I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
