They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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