I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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