I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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