Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
