I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
