All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
