she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
