happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
