you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't turn off my feet"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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