Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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