I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
