I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
