dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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