Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
