i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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