I've blown a few things in my day
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
