Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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