He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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